Moving

My nesting partner and I moved last week. Everything about it was incredibly stressful. My voice finally came back, though. I will still see the ENT about it just to make sure nothing is seriously wrong.

This new house just *feels* right. It has problems as you’d expect for a house built in 1975 but we can adapt. We will need a stand alone island in the kitchen to provide more work area as well as storage. The den is now the bird room. I’m still trying to figure out my office/craft space.

So much unpacking needs doing. We may have too much stuff. I’ll be listing some of it on freecycle or somewhere. I’d like to ditch the old treadmill and get something that we can fold up when not in use. We have the usual excess of computer cables, hubs and the like that any pair of computer geeks accumulate over time. Plus the stuff I got to accommodate for lacks in the San Jose house and the Scottsdale house that don’t exist here.

I’ve had several of my medical appointments rescheduled due to issues at the doctor’s office. ~sigh~ But I am finally seeing the neurosurgeon about my back tomorrow! Next week is the rheumatologist. My follow-up with the nephrologist got moved to July. My follow-up with the hematologist is in Sep. Plus I’ll be due for my annual visit with the podiatrist (new orthotics will be needed, they cost $200 last year for three pair, hopefully the price hasn’t gone up and more importantly, I hope my bunion isn’t worse).

I have a show coming up this month. Really hoping to sell out of stock. Got turned down for one in Nov and waiting to hear about one in August. I have gotten a number of sales at my Etsy shop though.

I’m still running my fundraiser to help me until I can stand on my own.  I have dental work coming up plus I know the orthotics will cost me something out-of-pocket ($200 last year).  I’m not sure what treatment options I’ll have for my back.  Guess I’ll know something more after tomorrow’s appointment.   If you want to help me with these out-of-pocket medical costs,  PayPal or  GoFundMe  or buy something awesome from Dragon & Wolf Crafts 

A reminder since suicide is back in the news.  #nostigma you-are-not-alone

Restless

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I feel like I’m waiting, waiting, waiting.   The requested evals are done.  So I am waiting for some strangers in an office not too far from here to decide if I am broken enough to receive disability.

I am seeing pictures from my friends at Pennsic and my friends travelling to Worldcon and I am wistful.  I want to travel.  I want to dress up in funny clothes and have magical encounters.

I miss my Nia.  She’s haunting my dreams.  I hope she’s okay.  Yes, I’ve tried to contact her but I have heard nothing back.  I worry, too, about my friend Beth.  I miss, as well, those friends and acquaintances from all of the places I’ve lived and visited over the years.

Worry is my old friend. I fret, as usual, about money.  I fret about being useless.  I couldn’t even hold the coffee carafe to fill it this morning.  I had to use two hands.  I had a spurt of activity feeding the critters (birds and kitties).  I fed myself too.  But then I was tired, tired.  I just want a nap.

Or I want to be elsewhere.  Or maybe someone else.  My 25 year old self, maybe.  Or in a different universe where I stayed in NC.  Or finished my degree and did good things for humanity.  Or never left Tucson.  Or ran off to join a commune.

I hate, hate, hate having to ask others for help all the time.  I remember when I was the one able to lend a hand.  Buy a meal or run an errand.

I am sad.  I am useless.

A quickie

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Not up for a lengthy essay today but I did want to tell y’all about something that happened today.   Through an interaction on social media, I was forcefully reminded about the stigma surrounding mental health.  I was distressed quite a bit about this.  It hit harder because it came from a person that I’d never thought would cotton to such an idea.  It floored me, frankly.  I’m still kinda reeling from it.

What it’s done, however, is to make me more resolved in speaking out about my condition, sharing resources and letting folks know that they are *not* alone!  I got your back!  You have value and worth and there is support out there.  There is help available. It is not a character flaw!

 

 

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The second thing I wanted to mention was that, well, I did it!  I created an Etsy shop!  Woohoo!  DragonWolfCrafts.  Now all I need to do is fill it with stuff for folks to buy.

 

Go me!

 

Thanks and have a happy week!

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Hold onto Hope

I’ve written about Project Semicolon a few times.

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The founder,  Amy Bleuel, died on March 23.  Yes, it was by suicide.  However,  do not lose hope.  The struggle goes on.  For you and me and everyone.   Please reach out and do not give in!

“If anyone is struggling right now, please take care of yourself. Please talk to someone about it. Please make use of the resources we do have. You can text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can call The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. Or, consider donating your social media data for suicide prevention research at OurDataHelps.”

Hold onto hope!

ETA:  I just found this amazing piece on Medium written by the founder of  Other Lives a peer support group for trauma survivors.  Please go read it.