A moment in time

Weight down. Not sure why as I’ve had pretty high pain and pretty low energy. But rearranged things for maximum access to treadmill. Wii sadly seems to be a victim of asshole landlord.

My SAD is somewhat better this year. Still experiencing it though. Looking forward to the sun’s return in a few weeks.

Looking at work-from-home jobs or other things I can do for fundage. Jay will have short paychecks because of unpaid leave (the company closed the week of Thanksgiving and will be closed the week between Christmas and New Year’s so that’s fun to think about). So that’s not helping with my healthy me efforts. Yay stress and fretting.

Still haven’t excavated my jewelry making stuff yet. But hope to start making stuff and sharing it with y’all.

I’m torn between feeling like I’m doing too much and doing far too little. My hands hurt. My shoulder hurts. I’ve unearthed and unpacked many things. And rearranged other things. But I still feel like a lumpy, lump lump.

My meds need tinkering as my bp isn’t well controlled on the new ones (switched because of potential damage to my kidneys). And I need to go pee in a cup soon.

Tossing this out there if anyone feels so moved.

Music Therapy–The Live Edition

cherylmartin Me & the Wolfcubdisturbed1Disturbed performing “Inside the Fire”


So, I’ve been having a very difficult time since starting the new job.  This week, I was hit with the certainty that I made a terrible, awful mistake taking it.  It makes me kind of sad because I know that if I were healthy, I would excel at the position.  As it is, though, I am suffering.  I have gotten *NO* alone time for nearly a month and that is a need for me.  I am an introvert and haven’t had any recharging/me time.  Plus, sustaining a full time schedule and taking care of the household has put in an enormous spoon deficit.

Past me, however, was clever and got tickets to a concert by one of my favorite bands, Disturbed.  As you know, music feeds my soul.  It is one of the most useful tools in my coping toolbox.   So, Thursday, I drove down and fetched my wolfcub and Friday we went to the concert!

It was amazing!  We caught the last bit of the opening act, Nothing More which wasn’t to my taste.  Chevelle played next which and they put on a good show.  I am only familiar with a couple of their songs.  I sat during their set to save up my energy.  They performed really well though!   Then Disturbed took the stage and I was on my feet until the end of the night.  It was exactly what I needed.    Those guys are really talented and excel at live performance.  The pyrotechnics were freaking fantastic!  They hit so many of my favorite songs.  The performance of “The Sound of Silence” was sublime.

It took me quite some time to come down from that high after we got home.  Then I passed the fuck out.

I don’t know how long I can keep this schedule up but I now have some amazing memories to tap into.

Huge thanks to my wolfcub and to the partner I live with for making it possible!  I love you both so much.

Long overdue update



So, things have happened.  I’ve moved back to Arizona.  Hooray!    The move was horrific. Stress and depression and anxiety nearly killed me.

Waiting for the movers to come with all of our stuff.  I have to return to San Jose to do a final walkthrough with the property manager on Monday and pick up a final few things.

My plan is to take some time to just breathe before finding a job unless something amazing falls into my lap.

The new place has a pool.  The pool dude came by and showed us the ropes.  Then we gave the pool a try.  It was wonderful!  The yard is pretty private so skinny dipping is definitely on the table.  I gloried in the warm water and just floating on my back and looking at the stars (very, very fuzzy stars since I am so nearsighted and didn’t have my glasses on).

I’m leaving out a lot but I plan to get back on a regular posting schedule.  So I will backfill some of the “highlights” in the near future.



A visit to Mother Ocean

Things have been very stressful around these parts.  Last weekend, my partner and I wandered off to Monterey for some relaxing.  Went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, ate some seafood, wandered around Fisherman’s Wharf and enjoyed the cool breezes, the gorgeous water and communed with the sea.    I have many thoughts on recent US and world events but for now,  have some pictures of a lovely excursion to the ocean side.