The Rest of My Life

50th Birthday Reflections

My 50th Birthday was in September.  I had a really good day with my partner.  I had intended to have a large celebration with as many friends as possible.  However, my depression had other ideas.  I cancelled the party and my partner took me out to an excellent dinner instead.  As I said, it was a really good day.   We went shopping and tried on clothes and giggled in the dressing room together.  Then got all dressed up and went to a fantastic place for dinner.  

Smiling brown skinned woman posing in a blue floral dress. Left hand resting on the back of a chair.
Birthday dress up!

The setting was beautiful.  The view of the city was spectacular and the food was delicious!

collage of pictures of food, view of city lights and interior of a building

A Different Pointe of View is highly recommended for special occasions. The service is fantastic!

Reflecting Back and Looking Forward

Since then, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my life up to this point and about what is to come.  Where I am and where I want to be.  I’ve been doing a lot more crafting and working hard on my business
 http://dragonwolfcrafts.com   

I’ve been going to a lot of medical appointments, trying a new antidepressant and being more active.   And lots of planning my next steps to make my life something more. 

Somewhere along the way, I got stuck and forgot myself.   I let my depression eat away at my soul.  It’s such an insidious disease.  And this time of year is usually bad for me with the shorter days and gloomy weather (yes, even here in the desert).  

However, I did some things in spite of myself.  I got out of my way let me be me.  I attended a protest and a vigil.  I hosted Thanksgiving for friends. I went out and sang karaoke.  I’ve gone hiking on mountain trails and walking around malls.  I’ve asserted my boundaries.  I am looking at the future and setting goals.

I am still wrestling with my depression and really looking forward to the Winter Solstice and the return of the sun.  My anxiety is very high right now with my anticipation of a new year, new plans and expanding my business plus waiting to find out more about what exactly is wrong with me (I had a nerve conduction study, hoping to not need surgery to fix whatever is going on with my hands).  

I take joy, though, in creating things.  More than before.  It makes me happy to see how far I’ve come as a crafter.  I plan to keep creating and improving and hope that others will be delight in my creations as well.  

Recent creations.

Anyway, in a lot of ways I feel like my real life has just begun here at the age of 50.  I’m actually looking forward to the next half of my life.  Both of my parents died before they were 60.  I plan to follow in my great-grandma’s footsteps and see 100.

Labor Day Weekend: Musings on

I spent Labor Day Weekend working. I was a vendor at a local first time sf/f convention called CoKoCon. We did very well. Made more money than our first two outings combined. However, the hours were long and the dealer’s room was *freezing*. By Monday, I’d accumulated a sweater, a hoodie, a knitted infinity scarf, dragon scale arm warmers and heavy socks. I was still cold by the time we packed out and headed home. And this is Phoenix AZ in the summer! It was over 100F outside and I was shivering and my bones ached from the cold.

The last time we were at this location, the dealers room was in a different ballroom and it was slightly too warm. Hopefully, they’ll get it right next time.

Seeing the numbers and chatting with people makes me think this will work. I hope it’s enough to sustain through the dry periods. My Etsy shop gets lots of views but few sales. I’m hoping to up my marketing game.

I’m looking for the next place to set out my wares. It’s hard breaking in. Trying to network and gain contacts.

I am achy and still haven’t fully recovered from my post Worldcon crud. But working my table did help lift me from my depression pit. I know post con drop will happen but hopefully, it will still mean I’m no longer at the bottom of the dark well.  There’s also a drop that will happen when my wolfcub goes back home.  That one will be more profound.  But if I’m able to get us in another show later this year, that will mitigate those feelings.

Next week, I get dental work.  I also need to reschedule with the ortho.

My 50th birthday is coming.  I’ll have more thoughts about it soon.