NOT OKAY

sad-love-quotes-you-asked-me-what-was-wrong

 

I’m really struggling with my depression.  I am in therapy every week so I have that on my side.  The unpacking is going very slowly.  The Etsy store is okay.  I need to put more into marketing and into getting quality components to make saleable goods.  I’m hoping to get an influx soon.  It’s really disheartening to see all the page hits but no sales.  I know the items up there appeal to folks because I’ve gotten feedback.  I don’t think the prices are unreasonable either.  The last show we did was a bust.  Didn’t quite make back our expenses.  But many valuable lessons were learned and there’s another convention coming up over Labor Day weekend.  Hoping that one will be a success.

I have several follow-up appointments coming up.   My pain levels have been awful.  I am on a new med prescribed my the rheumatologist for pain.  It helps but with the moving and now the unpacking,  some days I can barely get out of bed without crying.

I’m very weepy and spending a lot of time navel-gazing.  I have an app to chronicle my mood each day.  Most of mine have been “meh”.  Just feel stuck, I think.  My therapist wants me to sit down and write down a list of my need and wants.  Then I guess in our next session, we’ll figure out a strategy for getting my needs met.

My relationships are unsatisfying. I think it’s because I need more in person time with the partner who lives in Tucson and more quality time with the partner I live with.

Not having things unpacked and semi-orderly is causing me great anxiety.  I like having stuff put in some kind of order.  I love shelves and boxes and cabinets.  I want everything in its place. I’m working on it as I have the energy and when I can manage my pain.

I’m trying to remember to use my coping tools: music therapy, journaling, making pretties.  I’ve not yet successfully reincorporated exercise/movement yet.  I am a work in progress.

Worried about my kitties.  They seem okay but I’d feel better if I could get them a wellness check.

I need to write down all the things I want to bring up with my doctor (who I see at the end of the month).  Stuff keeps coming up.  I also have two more specialists to see in the near future as well as follow ups with ones I’ve already seen.

Feels like too much sometimes.  Plus all the things my partner expects me to track and take care of.  I mean, I know I have broad shoulders but dang.

Looking forward to vacation next month.

PayPal Donation link

My Etsy shop

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desertdragon42

I am a science fiction fan. I read it, I watch it, I breathe it, I go to conventions to hang out with others like me. I met my fannish family at my first Worldcon in 1995 in Glasgow. I've been smitten ever since. I am a crafter. I make jewelry and sell it http://www.etsy.com/shop/DragonWolfCrafts Just your typical bi pagan poly sf/f fan gamer geek! I have an amazing group of friends and chosen family flung all across the US and the world.

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