Finally made it to a therapy appointment this month. Had to reschedule twice and was determined to go this time. I still have little voice but we made it work. It was so good to talk and get feedback. I really feel like this therapist helps and will continue to help me sort out my stuff.
Today we talked about my panic attacks and anxiety. My realization that they started happening not too long after my rape at 9 years old. I didn’t realize those episodes were panic attacks until very recently when I learned exactly what panic attacks are. From https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/panic-disorder-agoraphobia/symptoms#
A panic attack is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes and includes at least four of the following symptoms:
Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
Trembling or shaking
Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
Feelings of choking
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea or abdominal distress
Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint
Chills or heat sensations
Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)
Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself) Listen to this podcast.
Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
Fear of dying
Of these, I most commonly got the sweating, derealization/depersonalization, light-headed/faintness, chills and pounding heart. And I still do. I look normal from the outside but inside I’m a mess. It has happened at school, at work, at parties, just sitting alone at home. It’s awful and exhausting.
My next step is to talk to my doc about getting an anti-anxiety medication. Being able to somewhat control my anxiety will help me cope better, I think, with life in general and maybe wrestle my demons more effectively.
I’ve added more stuff to my Etsy shop. Dragon & Wolf Crafts