Cycling between hope and sadness

Ugh.  Rough few days.  My partner has gotten a lot of pings about jobs here and elsewhere.  One or two that would mean moving home.  Home is where I really want to be and starting to think that it is where I *need* to be.  At least for a while to give myself time to heal.

So, hearing about various jobs has been left me exhausted from a roller coaster of emotions.  One of the jobs is a really good fit and it would put me within easy driving distance of home and many, many friends and family.  However, my partner seems to thrive out there in tech geek central.   Pings about jobs here that wouldn’t require relocation are coming in.  Interviews are happening.  My heart is torn.

I hate it here. I hate the crowds and the traffic and I hate this house.   I haven’t made many irl friends.  I don’t feel settled even after being here over a year.  Long ago, I discovered with the help of a therapist, that I have to put down roots and make connections. It is vital to my mental health to feel part of a community.  I created my own or joined communities in the various places that we’ve lived.  Here, it seems crowded with a wide variety of geek groups and I thought I could join a few.  However, leaving the house to attend anything is often beyond me.  The traffic is so horrific to me.

Anyway, I need to figure out a way to feel connected to this place or I need to go home. It’s been nearly two decades.  I think it is time.

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I am a science fiction fan. I read it, I watch it, I breathe it, I go to conventions to hang out with others like me. I met my fannish family at my first Worldcon in 1995 in Glasgow. I've been smitten ever since. I am a crafter. I make jewelry and sell it Just your typical bi pagan poly sf/f fan gamer geek! I have an amazing group of friends and chosen family flung all across the US and the world.